Cognizant Method :
Hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more .......
TCS method:
Hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration
IBM's metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour... he dies of unemployment. ..
Syntel Method:
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
MBT method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
Lion dies of the strain?
i-Flex method:
Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.
Polaris Method:
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM)
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........! !!!
Accenture Method:
*Hire a lion.... **
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Husbands silence is best with wife....
WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'
HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.
WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'
WIFE: 'You would?'
HUSBAND: .......?
WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'
HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'
WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'
HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'
WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'
HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'
WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'
HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'
WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'
HUSBAND: 'No, her size is 6.'
WIFE: -- silence .......
HUSBAND: 'shit'.
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'
HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.
WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'
WIFE: 'You would?'
HUSBAND: .......?
WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'
HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'
WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'
HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'
WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'
HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'
WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'
HUSBAND: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'
WIFE: 'Would she wear my shoes'
HUSBAND: 'No, her size is 6.'
WIFE: -- silence .......
HUSBAND: 'shit'.
Work in Dark
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'
She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'
Almighty
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Rich or Poor
Note(ofcourse at the beginning itself): Anyone out there with a perverted mind of serving the poor people, I advise you guys not to read this article.
"I asked my friend's little daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.
Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her,"If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?"
She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all those poor people on benefits." Her parents beamed, and said, "Welcome to the Labour Party!"
"That's a worthy goal!" I told her, and continued, "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house,mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I'll pay you �25. Then I'll take you over to that homeless chap who hangs out in front of the store. You can give him the �25 to use toward food."
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless man come over and do the work himself and you can just pay him the �25?""
This is India.
I am new to blogging, but after reading the above post somewhere I am deeply moved by the way the girl thinks. Just think guys, a small girl who doesnt know much about the world around her could think so sensibly what about us? I come across people asking me to donate generously for the cause of poor people. Why should we donate for poor people? Are they deprived of anything that a normal human is supposed to have? Are they disabled??
Some days back I was listening to some fm, and the program was about serving the poor. For 1 hour continuously I was listening, waiting to find atleast one reasonable caller who can say service is for disabled not for the poor. How did this foolishness creep into us? May be our Indian culture has taught us to give when someone doesnt!!
So lets pause a while and start thinking, Why is someone rich and why is someone poor???? Someone is rich because maybe his dad is/was rich, he has worked his ass out to earn that money. So why cant every poor guy in India work and earn his bread? Why should he beg? "Donors exist, beggars exist". When people are corrupt, people atleast ask money for the work they do(ofcourse anyway they are supposed to do). That is justifiable because they are greedy. But what about donating? We donate money just because we feel its something godly. We feel a sense of heroism in donating, and a tag added to that "generously". First we should understand, better not donate than to donate to some unworthy guy.
This blog is for me to write some crap and post. Anyone who doesnt agree with my feelings can just stfu and getlost. I am not requesting you to comment on my post.
"I asked my friend's little daughter what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.
Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her,"If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?"
She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all those poor people on benefits." Her parents beamed, and said, "Welcome to the Labour Party!"
"That's a worthy goal!" I told her, and continued, "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house,mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I'll pay you �25. Then I'll take you over to that homeless chap who hangs out in front of the store. You can give him the �25 to use toward food."
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless man come over and do the work himself and you can just pay him the �25?""
This is India.
I am new to blogging, but after reading the above post somewhere I am deeply moved by the way the girl thinks. Just think guys, a small girl who doesnt know much about the world around her could think so sensibly what about us? I come across people asking me to donate generously for the cause of poor people. Why should we donate for poor people? Are they deprived of anything that a normal human is supposed to have? Are they disabled??
Some days back I was listening to some fm, and the program was about serving the poor. For 1 hour continuously I was listening, waiting to find atleast one reasonable caller who can say service is for disabled not for the poor. How did this foolishness creep into us? May be our Indian culture has taught us to give when someone doesnt!!
So lets pause a while and start thinking, Why is someone rich and why is someone poor???? Someone is rich because maybe his dad is/was rich, he has worked his ass out to earn that money. So why cant every poor guy in India work and earn his bread? Why should he beg? "Donors exist, beggars exist". When people are corrupt, people atleast ask money for the work they do(ofcourse anyway they are supposed to do). That is justifiable because they are greedy. But what about donating? We donate money just because we feel its something godly. We feel a sense of heroism in donating, and a tag added to that "generously". First we should understand, better not donate than to donate to some unworthy guy.
This blog is for me to write some crap and post. Anyone who doesnt agree with my feelings can just stfu and getlost. I am not requesting you to comment on my post.
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